Whew! It's been
that kind of week. A very challenging week (and it's only Wednesday). A week that has shed light on a whole new set of challenges of parenthood, just when I think I've got it under control.
Control.
That's an interesting struggle between us. Both of us negotiating and manipulating to gain power of the situation. I should know better. You are wise beyond your years and have me nervously anticipating the years ahead. Seriously, are you seriously
just two-almost-three-years-old?
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-What works for some, doesn't work for others.
-Remember to see each child as their own individual.
-Praise the action, not the child.
-Be fair, consistent.
-Acknowledge the child's feelings, resist the urge to give immediate feedback. Listen.
These are recommendations that I've read and implemented, among many more; always searching for advice on what to do next because you've found that loophole in my reaction or your consequence. And for the most part, the advice from friends/books/family/Dr.'s does work; some put a band-aid on it, some are more long-term. Either way, I'm grateful. I just really need to add more to my tool box. I also know that there is no "right way". No one book alone, that I've come across, has all the answers. I just take bits and pieces and run with it.
I was reading a book the other night and it helped me to see one of your "challenges" in a different light. It said:
"Look carefully at what you consider your child's weakness; what may at first appear to be a weakness may actually be a strength for that child."One challenge I am faced with, for which I consider(ed) a weakness, is your lack of urgency to please others (especially me, lol). Sure, you want to do the right thing and respect others and the rules, but I feel like your motivations to do so are unique. Motivations that are not necessarily embedded in
my personality, so it's relatively new to me.
What if that lack of desire to please others is because you don't
want to please others,
for others sake. Let me clarify. Somehow, in your 2+ years of life, you've made the discovery that you don't have to do what you are told, which isn't unheard of for toddlers. But I've said it before, you have a mind of your own, you are not known as the compliant one. I'm not saying this is necessarily a positive attribute, it will present challenges to you in the future, trust me. However, you do follow rules and are respectful of others (as much as an almost-three-year-old can be), so you aren't necessarily defiant, moreover, your motivations for completing a task or following a rule are "special." You are not doing it because it makes
me (mommy or whomever) happy, you just don't have that need to please.
Maybe I need embrace this challenge. Maybe I need to foster the idea that you can't really feel a sense of accomplishment if you do something by yourself just to please others. You do something, the right thing, because you do it for YOU and the sense of pride it brings to know that you did it yourself, for yourself. Being a people-pleaser and compliant may get me what I want as a parent, the easy way, but it isn't truly who you are.
Now I realize that this is way beyond your level of thinking. But it just made me see that sometimes when I am at my wits end with challenges presented to me by a child, that someday, when you are a happy, confident, self-reliant adult, you possess a(n) (apparently innate) quality that I may have once tried to deny and change. Silly me, you are who you are.
You are your own person.
A truly unique and amazing person.
Drinking our sparkling grape juice on New Year's Eve.
Giving her best fake smile while being snow white.
Beautiful Cinderella.
An ensemble that could only be created by you.
